This morning it is quiet in the house. I got up & let one of our cats outside. It looks like it is going to maybe sunshine a lil bit. Every morning I get up & I hope today that I can have the strength & energy to at least get just a few of my goals accomplished. I am wondering if it is just me? What can I do? What can I do? It's been just a little over a month since our LiL Luke left us. We all are still having such painful moments. I want so badly to figure out how to take that pain away from My Kalie Rose, My Chelsie & my Husband. I want to give them hope. I want to help them think of new goals & then give them the energy & inspiration to reach them. Unfortunately, I am failing at all of the above mentioned & more. I am not saying this for sympathy. No, I just need to write it down. Last night Kalie went to bed once again with a very broken empty heart. Chelsie is still being asked at her work,"Hows the baby" People do not mean to hurt her, they just don't know he is not with us here on Earth. She hurts daily also. Kalie is sitting down at the bench & picking the tools up & supplies & she creates beautiful pieces. She just made a pair of earrings & she named them "Let the Love Grow" I love them & I love her & how she is really trying so hard to get through this lost of her sweet baby. I am proud of her & I am very proud Of my Grandson. I just want to send a HUGE Thank you to my 1000Markets Friends who I "Just never knew" or I had lost faith that the world has such beautiful souls in it. You all have GIVEN SO MUCH! We use your strength EVERY single day. Sometimes by the hour. Sending Much love to all of you.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
I am TRYING to figure it out!
Posted by Lynn McGinnis at Sunday, March 22, 2009
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5 comments:
I think you are healing every day, Lynn...it just doesn't happen all at once. I'm so glad Kalie is working and I'd love to see what she is doing. It's excellent therapy just to do something with meaning and maybe that's where you'll find your answer too.
More strength winging it's way to you all.
xoxoxoxoxooxox
wishing you so much peace and serenity...I can't even imagine the grief.
One day at a time, and sometimes an hour at a time. Holding your family close in my prayers.
Lynn, I just wanted to stop in and say hi! You and yours are still in my prayers and I think of you often.
Big Hugs, Mem
Dear Lynn and all of your family, I know that I do not know you personally, other than 1000Markets, but as artists, women, mothers, wives- we do know each other. One thing I have learned in my 62 years of walking barefoot on Mother Earth is that we are all connected in so many varried ways.
In our cosmic connections we find the paths that can help us walk in each others shoes.
In all of my worries over the years, the proverbial 'what if's' do not seem to abate. That haunting shadow of potential grief seems to relentlessly poke it's knarly tendrils into my brain, every so often. I think I have figured out what that is about. As we live in this life, we also walk, side by side, with death. They are equals and never leave each others side. In our living state we dance, rejoice, and love our living. We fear the unknown of shadowy death, because we can't remember it. But before we were born we were dead! Whoaa! that is a thought to ponder. Death is going back to the before of life. Our Spirit is a constant of pure energy. In the complexities of life here on Earth, we lose track of all things spiritual, or offer them to some religious dogmatic faith.
The sweet, gentle, innocent spirit of your little grandson was called away from this living experience. Never will an answer of 'Why?', come to you. It is not for you to know at this time.
Dealing with the monstrous black void of his short presence in your families life, is exactly what you are doing right now. There will come a time when you will be able to speak of him, without the storms of tears. You will remember what he did bring into your families living circle, and find the profound Blessings that he brought with him, that no one else could have given you. He had a purpose and he served it.
This, too is a teaching. Some teachings only come to one individual, but here it has come to your family circle, pulling you ever closer together. The grieving will be different with each one of you, but still you grieve together. You will find your paths through this unthinkable experience, and be able to help others with your wisdom gained.
I feel your pain. I know the black void of emptiness in your hearts. I understand your anger and questions of 'Why?'.
You should create an Altar in your home, dedicated to your grandson. Light a candle when you approach it. Send him your love and thoughts that you are having in that moment. His Spirit exists and he knows how much you love him and miss him.
I wish I could hug you in person, but I can request that you hug each other as often as you possibly can. Touching, and holding each other, is very important right now.
May the Goddess aid you on your path to Knowing and Wisdom.
Love from Northern Michigan... Linda
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